Sunday, August 7, 2011

Alone with my thoughts.......

Some days I just want to lie in bed, go over my life over & over and see where I could have done things differently as an adult. If I didn’t have any obstacles to overcome, I wouldn’t be who I am… However, at what point do obstacles go away. When will I find happiness? When will I have a career? When will things get easier?

The only thing in my life that makes me happy is having unconditional love from my daughter, and just looking at this AMAZING little girl, and feeling proud I had this wonderful, smart, caring, strong willed, and wise child. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t have any clue on what it feels like to be wanted & loved.

I really feel like I have been dealt a bad hand most days. I’m a good person, I have a strong work ethic, and I have worked my ass off, just to have to take three steps back multiple times in this production called life. It gets very discouraging sometimes. I don’t know how many times I’ve just wanted to throw my hands up and say “Fuck this?! Why try?!” but I have someone relying on me to be strong, and her life and future depends on me….and that makes it even harder. Who do I have to lean on? Who can I rely on? 

Hopefully, I will soon find out. This waiting game is getting old.


  1. :hug:

    I've been there many times. It's stressful and draining to say the least. But, there is always hope and there are better days if you want those better days. I know it's rough and I know it's hard to deal with. But believe me, when it's all over, you'll be able to look back and see that you made it through - that you were victorious.

    I hope everything gets better for you. And I hope and pray that you acquire the strength and the will to make things better if that's what you are striving for.

    Good luck and God bless!

  2. Thanks =)

    I'm optimistic most days, but it does get frustrating & I feel defeated some days.

    I've had some drive down a few really bumpy, pot hole filled roads to get where I am it is definitely a learning experience....I just wish it didn't have to be so hard ALL THE TIME! LOL.

    At any rate, I do have hope- so as long as I keep a positive outlook....things will get better at some point. Of course, not when I want them too...but they can't get any worse!