Some days I just want to lie in bed, go over my life over & over and see where I could have done things differently as an adult. If I didn’t have any obstacles to overcome, I wouldn’t be who I am… However, at what point do obstacles go away. When will I find happiness? When will I have a career? When will things get easier?
The only thing in my life that makes me happy is having unconditional love from my daughter, and just looking at this AMAZING little girl, and feeling proud I had this wonderful, smart, caring, strong willed, and wise child. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t have any clue on what it feels like to be wanted & loved.
I really feel like I have been dealt a bad hand most days. I’m a good person, I have a strong work ethic, and I have worked my ass off, just to have to take three steps back multiple times in this production called life. It gets very discouraging sometimes. I don’t know how many times I’ve just wanted to throw my hands up and say “Fuck this?! Why try?!” but I have someone relying on me to be strong, and her life and future depends on me….and that makes it even harder. Who do I have to lean on? Who can I rely on?
Hopefully, I will soon find out. This waiting game is getting old.