Thursday, August 4, 2011

Day at a Women's Spa: Bald Eagle, Landing Strip or Sweater?

In the beginning, I was slightly uncomfortable because at this particular spa, being naked is required in the pool & Sauna area. I’m not all that comfortable with my body. I’m not extremely overweight, but I gained 20lbs when I moved to Washington and normally, I would like to be at my previous weight before I start walking around naked in front of strangers. I decided to be brave, and said to hell with body image.

Most people who know me, know I have this thing about body hair. Mainly because, I’m hairy…Like, Frida Khalo hairy: I get lip, underarm and bikini waxes….I don’t have a mono-brow, but I have thick eyebrows so I get those waxed too. Lately, I’ve been trying to save money by getting waxed every few months, and just shaving regularly ( except the lip & brows, those MUST be waxed). I thought, most women this day and age…were on my “page.” Boy, was I in for a rude awakening.

I have never seen so many “sweaters” in my life!!! I mean, some of the women didn’t even bother trimming their bikini line. Here I am, waking up at 8:00 with a 9:00 appointment….trying to hurry up and shave so I wouldn’t offend anyone with my five o’clock shadow, just to walk into a room where everyone had their “Christmas Sweaters” on. The crazy part is, majority of the women were probably in my age rage: 26-30 and I was very surprised to see these monstrosities on them. Middle aged women, yeah…I can dig it. They come from an era where women rocked the bush with pride. Even in pornos, they rocked the flavor saver between the legs. I GET IT. What I don’t get, is young SINGLE women wearing these outdated trends!

I went bald my Sophomore year in high school. I was trimming it up, shaving the bikini line and just thought I would go ahead and shave that kitty clean, just to see what it felt like. I liked it, so I continued to do it. I also found that guys LIKE to explore down there more, when you are completely shaved….because they don’t have to deal with fur balls in their throat. Ok, maybe that’s my own little theory, but it makes perfectly good sense. However, I just find au natural completely unattractive. I know doctors will say it’s healthier to have hair down there…blah blah blah…I think it’s bullshit. Hair holds bacteria, bacteria causes odor, and the idea completely grosses me out. I mean, I’m not saying all women should do as I do…but at least trim it down to 1/4 of an inch. No one wants to look at sasquatch when they are trying to relax at a spa, and you come walking up to the pool looking like return of the ewoks in this joint.

That goes for men too. I’m just saying……


  1. If I was going to a spa like that, I'd definitely trim it up. I'd prefer to get a wax, but I heard that it's painful and well, I'm not sure I want that type of pain in that area. LOL.

    And yea, I've heard the same thing. My OB/GYN told me that when I was pregnant, but once I had my first child, I couldn't wait to trim the hedges, or bulldoze the forest (at that time).

  2. LOL @ Bulldoze the forest

    Waxing does hurt, but just like waxing eyebrows- the more you get it done, you get use to it. However, It is expensive, and I've just been using a razor to save.